No One Chooses To Be A Single Parent

“I think I want to grow up and be a single parent!” - said no one ever.

Feeling this today.

So often you see a single mom or dad judged for being a single parent. It’s actually not a very positive image. Single parents work their asses off but yet still fall victim to the judgy eyes and thoughts of other parents who seem to have “done it the right way.”

Did you ever stop and think that we didn’t CHOOSE to be a single parent? No one has a life goal of having a child without the support a spouse alongside them.

Some of us have been divorced. Some of us had a one night stand. Some of us had a teen pregnancy and it didn’t work out with our boyfriend/girlfriend. Some of us may have been raped. Some of us maybe haven’t found a spouse yet but feel their biological clock is ticking so they opted for a sperm donor. Some of us have been so hurt by other people that maybe they want a child without a spouse at all, and chose to adopt.

Regardless of the reason someone is a single parent, keep in mind that there’s a 99% chance it wasn’t their original plan. It’s even worse for women. Single mom? Oh, she must not have been able to keep her legs closed. Single dad? Aww, he must have been through a lot, what an amazing guy for being a great father.

Scurrrrrt, I’m sorry what??

Hey fam, how about ALL single parents deserve some credit because the shit ain’t easy. It takes a special person to be a single dad, yes. But it also takes a special person to be a single mom. The amount of patience and energy you need to have to care for your child without 24/7 help from someone else is some next level shit.

See a single parent about to fall apart in Target because their kid(s) are acting like a pack of wildebeest? Buy that mom or dad a cup of coffee instead of looking at them like they can’t handle their shit. Chances are they are really struggling with something and are almost at their breaking point. Maybe they have depression. Maybe they have anxiety. Maybe something detrimental is happening in their life or maybe just the demand of being a single parent has been overwhelming them lately, and today just isn’t their day.

I’m a single mom. I have broken down hugging my son for dear life right on my kitchen floor on more than one occasion. I have ugly cried leaving over his bed silently apologizing to him for making such a mess of our lives and promising him it will get better. Hearing your toddler say “why are you crying mommy?” is one of the toughest moments in a single mom‘s life because we try so hard to be strong. Sometimes I lose my patience sooner than I should with him because he’s been a handful and I can only take so much whining. Some days I’m exhausted and just can’t anymore and I stick him in front of the TV so I can have a few minutes to just sit and take a breath. Sometimes he has cereal for both breakfast and dinner because I don’t have the energy to cook.

But you know what? I’m also doing the damn well best that I can. We also laugh and play and snuggle and eat too much pizza and have water fights during his bath and occasional sleepovers in my bed, which are his favorite. It’s okay to have hard days as long as you and your child(ren) are still happy. We are super heroes to our kids but we’re also still human.

If another person wants to judge me because I’m a single parent, be my guest. You have no idea how hard it can be sometimes. But I can speak for every single parent when I say we are doing the best we can, and I know there is a whole support system of other single parents and we all have each other’s backs.

Being a single mom surely was not my goal. But now that I am one, I’m proud to be one. It reminds me of my physical, mental, and emotional strength even during the hardest days.

To my fellow single parents, keep kicking ass and taking names and handling your shit like the bosses that you are. Your kids will respect the hell out of you for it, and you’re teaching them a level of strength and endurance along the way that only you can teach. And be so damn proud of yourselves because you are amazing.

Cheers,

- The Whiskey Mom