We love our children dearly, but remember this👇
Divorce sucks. Like suuuuuuuucks. The worst part? Not seeing your kid every day. But here's the catch. It can also sometimes be exactly what we need.
Let me start by saying two things. First, I'm by no means an "expert" on this topic, but I think I can still provide some damn good insight to others that may be nervous to voice their concerns about this. Second, I am not encouraging divorce. Shit is easier when both parents are in the same household and the load can be shared. If you're in a solid relationship, my hats off to you because that's a blessing. Divorced parents can't share the load though, and sometimes we need a break.
My ex moved out of our old house a few months before our divorce was finalized, and I knew when that day came, I would no longer see my son every day. That was a very harsh reality, especially since the decision to get divorced ultimately was mine. That didn't make it any easier of a pill to swallow. Well a fun fact about me, luckily, is that I actually grew up with divorced parents, so I knew the child's perspective. I never thought I'd be so thankful for my parents splitting up (would it be weird to thank you guys?!) but that greatly helped me cope. They also got divorced when I was two, so I don't have any recollections of them actually being together. In fact, seeing my parents together was very odd to me for a very long time. What I remember most from my childhood was that I got double of everything. Two Christmases, two birthdays, two Thanksgivings, two bedrooms full of toys, the list continues. I also remember having the time of my life when I got to see my dad every other weekend. We always had so much fun, and sometimes I'd bring friends with me to stay with us. It was amazing. I know every child is different, but it gave me some peace of mind when making the decision to have my son grow up with divorced parents.
On the flip side, my mom, having had me during the weeks since my dad lived in another state, used to tell me that she loved the weekends when I was with my dad. Not that she didn't miss me, but that she was happy to just have some free time for herself. She didn't tell me that until I was much older of course, old enough for me to not be offended by that, but I still didn't entirely understand what could be so great about a weekend without your kid.
I can say from experience now that, no matter what kind of relationship you have with your ex, it's never easy to send your child away with them. It's hard to send my son 20 minutes away for fucks sake, so I can't even imagine sending him to another state twice a month like my mom had to do with me. But deep down I know my son is in good hands and has a blast with his dad. And while sometimes it hurts me to my very core that he's making memories that I will never be a part of, it helps me relax knowing he's having fun.
That in turn allows me to relax and have fun. In fact, I really believe that being divorced has actually made me a better parent. My son is about as typical of a little boy as you can get, and just wants to play, play, play, and go, go, go all the way until bedtime. And that's not even counting when he's having tantrums or days of him being all "🖕I'm three so I'm doing what I want." So by the end of the day I'm exhausted yo! After three straight days with him I like want to collapse. And I only have one kid! But then he leaves to go with his dad for a few days, and during that time, I can rejuvenate. I can catch up on sleep, clean my house, actually eat a hot meal before it gets cold, lay in bed till noon, paint, write (and blog, duh), read, have a drink with friends, take a hot shower as long as I damn well please, etc. You name it, I can do it. It's a few days to totally reconnect with myself and just take a deep breath. Then by the time I get my son back, I'm totally refreshed and ready to take on whatever imaginary battles he decides we're going to face while he's here. And then he has a blast here as well, and I have the restored energy and patience to be the best mom I can be for him.
Divorced parents, for real, enjoy your time when your child is with your ex. I can tell you from experience on both ends, that it's harder on you than it is the child. If your kids are happy to see their other parent and excited to go to their other house, don't let that make you sad. That's a sign things are good over there. And as hard as it sometimes can been on us, remember that it's healthy for our kids to have a solid relationship with both parents. Give them a big hug and kiss goodbye, tell them you'll see them in a few days, then go back in your house and do whatever the fuck you want and have fun just doing you!
Cheers,
- The Whiskey Mom
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