This is a longer post, but bare with me. Let's see how many people do it.
The accuracy of this is something every parent can relate to, whether you're a mom or a dad or single or married. We all know this truth.
Something a lot of parents aren't too familiar with anymore (especially if your kids are still young) is actually enjoying a meal. But honestly, I feel like a lot of people don't often get to do this. In fact, when is the last time you did? It's actually something really hard for a lot of people.
My son is with his dad today so I treated myself to an early dinner at a favorite local restaurant. Remember my post about enjoying time when your kid is with your ex? I did that today to the fullest. I had a bomb ass salad with all the fixins, then some shoe string fries with just the right amount of seasoning, some roasted Parmesan broccolini (a broccoli-asparagus hybrid for those wondering wtf that is - eat your greens!), and some perfectly cooked smoked salmon that I almost instantly devoured in a very not-so-lady-like manner. Not to mention the warm rolls they give you that are more like donut holes that come with a poppyseed butter I low key want to literally roll around in because it's so fucking delicious. This meal was EV 👏 ER 👏 Y 👏 THING 👏. Can you tell I'm a foodie? 😂
But as I was eating my face off I got to thinking. Eating alone is actually kind of a mental accomplishment. And I don't mean like sitting at home with a bowl of spaghetti. I mean like actually physically taking yourself out of the house and going to a restaurant by yourself and only having yourself as company. Not yourself and the social media on your phone. Just yourself. When is the last time you did it? Have you ever done it?
It actually can be really uncomfortable if you're not used to doing it. People with anxiety and/or depression usually struggle with it the most. I remember feeling SO awkward the first few times I did it, years ago. Even just going somewhere like Panera for lunch during the work day was mad uncomfortable for me for lots of reasons. I felt like people were staring at me, wondering why I was there alone or if I had no friends or if people didn't like to eat with me. I felt like people are assuming I was single, and that bugged me because I wasn't at the time. And when I got my food I wondered how awkward I must have looked sitting there eating alone. I wondered if people thought I was sad. And this was just the tip of the iceberg. Clearly a lot would go through my mind during those times. And it made me aware of how hard it was for me to just sit there by myself and eat some lunch. It was almost embarrassing; I couldn't even enjoy my own company.
Why all those thoughts? Because anxiety fucks with your self-confidence HARD. Did you notice that every single thought I listed out just now was directly related to what other people were possibly (and most likely not) thinking about me? None of those thoughts should have bothered me to a degree that it made it difficult for me to just sit for 20 minutes and eat some soup and a damn salad. The best parts of those lunches were when I was walking out the door and finally back in the comfort of the driver side of my car.
Sound mildly frightening and all too familiar? Trust me, you're not alone.
If you have no issues going out to eat by yourself, then this probably sounds ridiculous to you. But the truth is, some folks really have a hard time with it, if they can do it at all. Some people would rather skip a meal if they have no one to eat with than be stuck with their own thoughts for 20 minutes - I know because I used to be one of them. Fortunately, I was able to recognize that eating with someone every single day at every single meal just wasn't realistic. Was I really expecting the rest of the world to be hungry on my time? Hell no. So I forced myself to do it over and over. Really it would have been much more cost effective to just pack a damn lunch every now and again, but that's beside the point.
If you are one of my people struggling to do the simple (or maybe not so simple) task of going out to eat by yourself, I encourage you to do it anyway. Stepping out of your comfort zone is always going to be uncomfortable, until it gets comfortable. Something that always helped is just not looking at anyone, except your waiter or waitress, of course. Making eye contact with a stranger makes anxiety far worse when you're not used to doing this. When you get into the restaurant, focus on the tables and chairs, the detail on the ceiling, the decor along the walls, the color of the counters, the smells coming from the kitchen. Picture what you want to eat and decide on maybe what small dessert you will get to celebrate finally making it through a whole meal alone. Small victories! Treat yoself! 🙌
Nowadays I actually look forward to eating a meal alone - even before I became a mom. It gives me a chance to just get back in tune with myself. Sometimes I check some things off my mental to-do list. Sometimes I think about what new activities I could do with my son. Occasionally I'll bring a book, depending on where I'm going. Sometimes I'll bring my laptop to either blog or continue adding to my book, again depending on where I'm going. And let's be real sometimes I eavesdrop or people watch. Stop judging, we all do it, and you know damn well that it's usually entertaining.
Being that it's Monday, I encourage you to eat a meal somewhere out by yourself this week. Whether it's McDonald's or a five star steakhouse, do it at least once this week, alone (if your schedule permits, of course). Even if you're already comfortable doing this, it's nice to do every now and again just as a reset.
When I posted the other week about picking five things to be happy about, a few of you commented with your five things. That was AWESOME. Let's make that happen again. Tell me where you ate or what you had, and maybe how it made you feel. Did you enjoy yourself? Hate it? Sometimes it's nice to get some feelings out along with it - this blog can be your spot.
Cheers and happy eating!
- The Whiskey Mom
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