As I sit on the floor listening to this afternoon’s storm leave heavy pitter-patters of rain against my windows, a quote makes its way into mind. It’s a saying I have both seen and heard for years now (as I’m sure many of you also have), but I think today is the first time I have really felt its meaning.
It is supposed to heavily rain like this for the next hour or so, and the forecast has left me feeling oddly relieved that this unexpected downpour plans to continue. I love storms in general, but this one feels different. There is a sense of peace I have not felt in a very long time being brought on by this storm, and I can’t help but feel lost in my thoughts over it. Certain events over the past couple years have left me so mentally and emotionally depleted that some days I do not know how I have still been functioning (nor do I know how the people closest to me still have the mental space for dealing with the surrounding drama that has seemed to drown me as of late). I suppose functioning is a loose term, though. I did develop an early heartbeat recently as a result of the compound stress from trying to deal with said drama, so there’s that. But all things considered, I am surprisingly mostly okay.
It's a gorgeous Wednesday morning, I’m off work, and there was sunshine with only a few puffy clouds as far as the eye could see, so I decided to venture out to my local pool for some much-needed solo relaxation. The sun felt amazing as it beat down and gently fried my skin, and being that it was the middle of the day on a weekday, the whole pool was vacant apart from the lifeguards and a couple young girls whom I debated may have been skipping school. I had a book with me and my favorite towel and nothing pressing on my agenda, and it was all very glorious.
Until it wasn’t.
Dark and heavy clouds began rolling in after I had only been laying out for about 45 minutes. It was not even 1:00 yet and there was not supposed to be any rain happening until at least 4:00. In the middle of hoping that the clouds would pass and there would be more sunshine lingering behind it, a few raindrops fells and a rumble of thunder made itself known, and the few people there, myself included, had to clear out. Instead of actually leaving, though, I stubbornly sat in my car telling myself that I enjoyed storms anyway and would just remain in the parking lot until it passed and would continue with my tanning adventure because no storm was going to ruin this day (insert middle finger here pointed in really no general direction but the aimless gesture made me feel better). Alas, nature had other plans and I was reminded yet again that I am not the one on control, no matter how hard I try.
Sometimes we reach points in our lives that stressors build up on such a level that the smallest thing will eventually break us. Well, this first-world luxury mishap of simply not being able to sunbathe, after a couple other things already occurred that morning, broke me. I was desperate for some alone time in a place outside of my house that created some joy and literal warmth, and I felt like I couldn’t even have that. So, as I sat in my car, frustrated and flipping through Instagram and counting the minutes since the last rumble of thunder so I’d know when I could go back into the pool, I found myself continuing to be shown two recurring messages: patience and timing.
My therapist recently explained to me about how to ground yourself. She said sit down anywhere and feel your back, legs, and feet connected to whatever it is you’re sitting on that connects you to ground. Focusing on these sensations of touching the ground allows yourself more internal space to really feel whatever emotions are trying to make their way through your body. This concept lets you feel the feelings that you are either unable to sort through or have been unknowingly suppressing (which can be excruciating) but then it lets you release them. Well, let me tell you that shit worked. I totally lost it in my car, then decided to leave the parking lot even though the storm was clearing, and I cried the whole way home, all the way upstairs, and even continued crying in the shower.
After my showered and several deep breaths, I threw on some comfy sweats, gathered my grownup coloring books, and decided I would sit and color and just chilllllllll the fuck out while listening to the next storm I could see approaching through my back windows. As I started on the first picture, choosing pink and green for the word “keep” at the top of the page, the rain began to aggressively blow through the trees and pound big time against my house. While I would have enjoyed this storm anyway, as I find them quite relaxing when I’m not trying to enjoy the sun, watching and listening to this particular storm today for some reason felt completely different and incredibly cleansing. I was feeling cleansed on such a level that I debated going outside and meditating in my yard right in the middle of the storm. I probably would have had it not been for all the lightning and the possibility of potentially being, ya know, electrocuted. So, instead, I set my coloring stuff down and meditated for a few minutes from the safety of my floor and envisioned myself being cleansed by the rain. It was amazing and I felt very at peace.
Bringing us back around to the main topic of this post, that storm felt like a clearing one, especially combined with all the messages I was receiving about patience and timing. Even though I am still going through some stuff, a lot of things aligned today on an emotional level, and it was very cool and very reassuring, and I just really wanted to write about it and share my experience. What’s interesting is that storm brought me more relaxation and peace than I’ve ever had from baking in the sun for hours. Who knew that something unplanned and inconveniently out of my control was what I actually needed?! I have a love-hate relationship with how often that seems to happen to me.
Anway, try to embrace the next thunderstorm you encounter. Think about how it might parallel with some metaphorical storms you are going through in your life, then ground yourself and allow yourself to just feel. Let the sound of the storm wash over you and feel everything to the depths of your soul; let the tears fall from your eyes as hard as the rain falls from the clouds. Let the storm completely clear your mind and your path, and know that you’re going to get through this and it’s going to be okay. The more negative energy and emotion you can feel and allow to flow out, the more you can let go of it and create room for the positives. I promise it's worth it.
And with that, I'm going to eat my weight's worth of the pizza and ice cream that just got delivered and maybe have a glass of whiskey later ;)
Cheers and Happy Wednesday! You got this!
-The Whiskey Mom
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