Many of us need this reminder.
Only a couple people know this about me, but I’ve been going to therapy for a few months now. I have had a small handful of close friends suggest it to me since my divorce, and while I figured it would be beneficial, I didn’t think it was entirely necessary. But I was really upset several weeks ago and decided to try it out. The verdict? I probably could have gotten through life without it. But am I glad I’m finally doing it? Absolutely. And my session today was impactful enough that I want to share the message.
I have a recent past that I really struggle with, mostly events that have occurred roughly within the past five years or so but still haunt me to this day. Things most people don’t know about me and would probably be surprised to find out. Things I’m not proud of that I’ve been trying to make peace with but have continuously seemed to fail at doing so. Things that, once I revealed them to my therapist today, got a reaction of “wow, you’ve really been through a lot.” Her reaction echoed my own feelings anytime I’ve talked about these particular events. It really has been a lot. It even sounds like a lot when I talk about it.
But as I was giving her details and trying to control my tears, she pointed out that I’m clearly still really effected by these things and she was curious as to why exactly. I told her because I’m not that person and never wanted to be that person and I don’t do things like that, and said it still bothers me that they happened. Her reply gave me more peace about it all than I’ve ever had. She said to me that she knows me well enough now that it’s pretty clear those mistakes aren’t who I am as a person.
She continued explaining to me that good people make mistakes. And she said mistakes don’t define you, and if anything it shows who I am as a person by how upset I get when I talk about it. She also said that any normal person who knew the details would understand why I did the things I’ve done and probably wouldn’t even blame me given the circumstances, and that I need to understand that and stop beating myself up about it.
I’m telling you this because I know I’m far from being the only person who’s ever made a mistake and been unable to forgive myself and move on from it. I’ve let it eat away at me and even convinced myself recently that karma came back twice as hard and it’s all because of what I’ve done in the past. Even through praying and repenting and crying and talking it out, it never seemed to really leave my conscious. But today I think finally did, or I’m at least viewing it all in a totally different light, thanks to the therapy I didn’t think I needed. I’m not proud of what I’ve done but I’m no longer letting it define me, either.
The past is the past and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. Everyone makes mistakes; big ones and small ones. The important thing is how you grow from them. It’s something I’ve always known I guess, but never really tried to let sink in or practice. I have a hard time forgiving myself for things, as many others do, but it has to be done if we are ever going to truly move on and grow from our mistakes and give ourselves a chance at self-happiness. Mistakes do not define who we are, they are lessons that come when we need them to help us grow and become who we are. I wouldn’t be who I am today without the mistakes I’ve made, but that doesn’t mean I am my mistakes.
If you’re reading this right now, I want you to tell yourself and truly believe that you are not your mistakes. Good people make mistakes. Dwelling on it does nothing but hinder your chances of self happiness - trust me, I know from experience. The universe knows you’re sorry. God knows you’re sorry. If you’re truly sorry then there is no reason to continue beating yourself up about it. Everything happens for a reason, and mistakes are included in that.
And if you’ve made a mistake that you have yet to apologize for, just do it. Give the apology. Apologies are never easy but it’s even harder to have all that negative energy and regret bottled up festering inside of you. You can’t grow from your mistakes if they continue haunting you - trust me, I know from experience with that also.
You are still a good person. Good people make mistakes. Grow from what happened. Forgive yourself. Let it go.
Then have yourself a wonderful rest of the week.
Cheers!
The Whiskey Mom
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