I can see this whole self-care thing getting completely out of control if we don’t make sure right now that people really understand the concept of it. Take close note of this:
Self-care seems to be something that has been very overlooked yet is so vital to our health in every possible way - spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. And the new year and new decade appear to have lit a fire within much of society to focus more on self-care and mental health. And honestly, I think it’s a BEAUTIFUL thing and as one of the many people also indulging in some serious self-care, I believe this movement is so necessary and will help so many people.
If it‘s carried out properly.
I have been seeing it everywhere. Post after post (my own posts included) about how 2020 is going to be about self-care and don’t let anyone fuck with your inner peace and don’t be afraid to tell someone no without any sort of explanation. All of this is so important and ties closely with the also very vital movement of mental health awareness. And it’s true, you have got to get your mental health in order before any other aspect of your life can really be given full attention. We have to make sure we’re listening to our bodies and keeping ourselves in check. Because once you start to lose focus in one of those four areas, the rest will slowly follow suit. And too often we don’t realize this until we’ve basically totally lost ourselves. And as a victim of all that, trust me, I am in FULL support of this new and exciting wave of self-care.
Here‘s where I worry, though, that this will turn ugly. If you look at the bigger picture, like a few years from now, it’s very easy to see people taking this concept to an extreme and using it as a cop-out reason to just be selfish. Understand this: self-care means occasionally being selfish if it means bettering yourself or catering to the focus and improvement of your mental health. It does NOT mean using it as an excuse to be selfish for your own asshole reasons just because you don’t want to help someone or get something done, etc.
Some quick examples for you:
A parent who apologetically says no to volunteering at a school fair they originally agreed to help with, because they are physically and mentally exhausted from dealing with three sick kids, is practicing self-care. A college student who is overwhelmed with finals and decides last minute to stay in bed all weekend enjoying some peace and quiet, instead of going home and going to their best friend’s holiday party they promised to attend, is practicing self-care. An employee who temporarily asks for a lighter work load from their boss because they’re going through a divorce is practicing self-care. That employee was me two years ago, by the way. Every one of those scenarios involves easing the load of stress where they can, even if it’s just for a few hours, to regroup and reconnect with themself a little and just feel human again - something very necessary if you don’t want to eventually have a total mental breakdown. And best believe a mental breakdown will happen if you don’t ease the stress - I know because I've been there on more than one occasion in the past few years and each one has royally sucked.
Now, take that same parent that I just mentioned above. If the kids were fine and they said no to volunteering after they agreed to help because they just don’t feel like going anymore, that’s just being selfish. And take the college student. If they decided to stay in all weekend last minute instead of going to their best friend’s holiday party because they decided they'd rather binge-watch a show, that’s being selfish. If the employee asked for a lighter load at work just because they wanted more time to walk around and be social or take longer lunches, that’s being selfish. Yet each of these scenarios could still easily be claimed as “self-care” when that really isn’t a part of it at all. But who’s to stop them from making that claim when there is so much emphasis right now being put on self-care and minding your mental health? No one will question them if they say they need it for self-care.
And another thing - while I fully understand and support the concept of “don’t be afraid to tell someone ‘no‘ without giving them an excuse,” that can be entirely misconstrued as well. All that means is have the confidence to say no without feeling pressured to explain yourself. And it means not feeling sorry for having to say no. It does NOT mean just saying no with no fucks to give about how it might effect another person or situation. Sometimes we do need to give a reason for saying no, depending on the circumstances, but the important thing is you don’t feel bad about it if you know the real reason is for the sake of your mental health.
See what I’m getting at here and how this could eventually become a big problem? It has the very real potential over the next few years of manifesting a lot of selfish people just walking around not giving any fucks. It’s extremely important to be able to balance practicing self-care while still having empathy towards people.
Now obviously there isn’t much that can be done about people making false claims to needing self-care. And what is considered self-care will differ from person to person. Something that you feel is self-care might seem like bullshit to someone else, but that’s not for you to worry about. So of course there is a need to tread lightly when someone tells you that they need some self-care. This whole thing really comes down to integrity. I’m not telling you to judge another person‘s reason for self-care, I’m telling you to judge yourself when you are claiming that you need it. You will know if you need to take a break from things and slow down for your mental health. All I ask is that you please don’t abuse this movement. Self-care is a real thing and many of us really need it. But if everyone takes advantage of this then you’re really killing it for the people that actually need it. Focusing on mental health is a big deal, so please don’t make a mockery of it by simply using it as way to get out of doing things. Trust me, the mental health of society as a whole will get a lot worse if every person under the sun decides they can just up and stop caring for the sake of “self-care.”
I hope all of this makes sense and opens your eyes a little as to why we need to be extra clear on the concept of this when encouraging it. We can’t just pump people up telling them they don‘t have to give a shit because it‘s self-care. It’s a very important movement but it really has to stay under control at the same time. Show your children and the younger generation how to properly practice self-care before it gets out of hand. Teach them that it’s an act for the sake of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health - not an excuse to be selfish.
Disclaimer: I am not singling anyone out by what I said above. They’re just some quick examples for fucks sake so before you get offended please understand that. The only person I singled out is myself. I’m not saying you’re selfish just because you like to binge-watch a show. By all means, binge-watch the shit out of your shows and live your best life while doing it. Just don’t call it self-care if it isn’t really self-care, ya dig?!
Cheers,
- The Whiskey Mom
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